1st Vacation, Success!

My fiancé and I took our sons on our very first family vacation. Everyone did great. I had been feeling depressed by the patterns our relationship had adopted with the added stress and work of suddenly becoming parents of two before our trip. Back home, it feels like we're still on vacation. Family/Relationship renewal. My fiancé and I seem younger, and our children seem older. Everyone seems more independent and also stronger as a unit. It was kind of shitty to touch down in Seattle, cloudy cold and bad attitudes. But this morning walking back from accompanying my fiancé partway to work, I felt some appreciation. After being in Vegas, our little neighborhood seemed sophisticated. I appreciated the quality coffee, and how almost every time I visit a coffee shop some graceful gentleman opens the door for me to wheel the double stroller in or out. It's an out of place gesture in what I deem a socially inhospitable city, and a nice surprise every time.

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Perfectly Natural Disaster

So this horrifying tsunami in Japan, following an 8.9 earthquake on Thursday has been impacting my stress level. I stayed awake last night watching videos of rushing water swallowing up towns and following websites that predict earthquake activity. One said that the Pacific Northwest would experience a large earthquake on or around March 20th. After putting my iPhone down and opening the window for some (radiation laced) air, I nursed my sons through the night. I paid attention to the closeness, the tenderness, the dependence. I looked into their eyes through the darkness, black and shiny and trained on mine, and felt our connection, relished it. I wanted to enjoy the peace while it was peaceful, keeping in mind it could become chaotic and dangerous all of a sudden.
I pictured myself grabbing hold of both or (shudder) one of my twins and swimming or running away. I imagined what it would feel like to lose one, then the other.

This morning my fiancé and I strapped the boys into the Kia and I drove him to work. After he waved goodbye, I considered coffee options: I could go home and boil water for instant coffee, add sugar and cream (the cream we paid for that would go sour if it wasn't used), then probably let it get cold after being distracted by the boys OR I could drive to West Seattle where there is a drive thru Starbucks and enjoy a caramel machiatto on the ride home, allowing the boys to sleep uninterrupted, if they stayed asleep. Driving to West Seattle involves taking the Alaskan Viaduct, which in the case of an earthquake would crumble hazardously. It also involves driving West toward the ocean, not away from it, the latter being choice in the case of a tsunami. I decided not to make choices based on fear. I got coffee at Starbucks. On the way there, on the highway, I accidentally down-shifted into 3rd when I meant to go into 5th. The Kia, being new and equipped with electronic stabilization, didn't have too bad a reaction. A little lurch, but it was rainy and there was traffic and lanes merging. We could have easily caused an accident and just as easily become the unfortunate victims. Nobody would know that I met my untimely end because I was focusing on what tragedies COULD befall us...